REMEMBER

Monday, December 3, 2007

as for all who knows me long enough, when i'm angry, i write without thinking. yes i write irresponsibly, that i 100% admit. after i not angry, i read also think i stupid.

yes my ego is very high, i always think i'm right, but i don't know how many times when people prove me wrong i will reject one. if you clearly point out to me and show me, i think i will diam diam one. so next time, just do it to me.

i have a bunch of really nice classmates who tolerated me for at least half a year, never did i know i disgusted them so much. although what sheryl said about me was harsh, but i can accept it cause i think i'm like that too. (i mean those things abt groupwork and idea.) but i really hope everyone of them can tell me what's wrong with me in the face and not wait until they can't tolerate and then pour it all out at once.

i'm not a very nice person to be with, but it's not that i don't wanna chg, it's because people often don't tell me where i've gone wrong until it's too late. when i start to blacken my face, people will just return me a similar face, and i will just think that they are in the wrong too, have anyone woke me up from my black face and talk to me abt it ??

if the whole class were to turn their backs on me, i wouldn't blame them because it isn't their fault in the first place. all these months, i haven't really been myself in class. i can sense that people don't like me, but i don't know why. i often portray myself as very defensive, so that people can't touch me at all, just because i don't know why they don't like me.

on a lighter note, i might wanna thank sheryl for those harsh yet meaningful comments. yes i will change from there.

but there's a few things i might wanna clarify too.

as for your brother, i know it's very mean to say he's not handsome. but who will say that "eh my ex bf is damn shuai." if you ask your brother he should know that i nv look down on him cause of his birthmark lor. (in fact i never ever thought he was ugly, to me he's avg.) i agree that first few months after we break, i was still very dependent on him. but after i sensed that he wasn't quite willing to send me home, all this stopped for many months already, so why are you bringing it up ??

play mahjong thing, they all also know. say say abit, next round sua already. why take come out say ?? somemore, is not only i will comment about such thing what. your brother and his friends sometimes also will say say ma, i also not really angry. plus i never said i was pretty.

about the copycat thing. yes i have quite a number of items that u all have, but it's because i really like them too, not because i wanna copy people. the grey cardigan wasn't bought because to copy you, but because i like it. zarra was there, she told me you have it, but she say nvm, just don't wear it at the same time, which unfortunately was what that happened. and it was a different shade of grey, i didn't purposely buy the same thing as you lor.

the hello kitty bag, after i buy then i see yours then i rmb lor, i dunno why i should rmb everything that you have and purposely go buy it. butterfly slippers i bought it just after i know you and i didn't know u have it too. necklace, i don't know which necklace you are talking about. but as far as i know, so far i never wear same necklace as you before.

if you think i purposely buy that wallet, pris can vouch for it, i really thought is you what had the pouch. even in sms u also never tell me, until i buy liao in school then i know u have the wallet. if i wanna copy you, why i don't buy black, buy white color one ?? it's because i like it.

out of your many many clothes, i have 4-5 things similar as you, i know. and you often wear them, so u get angry i understand but i can promise you that things are not bought just because you have them too.

doing individual assignment during group work time i can swear to anyone that it's not about you. and i shall be damn open about this that i'm talking abt mei chan. she was writing her journal for half the time, that i think you saw it too. though i'm saying it now, it's just for clarification, not to blow things up again.

not to make things worse anymore. next time whatever i do, i ignore your idea or what, please kindly stop me and ask why, or rebutt me. perhaps i overlooked things. explain whatever unhappiness you have over me, make me wake up, i will accept it.

same for the rest of 1a01, anything just tell me. even if all of you were to end up scolding me in my face until i cry, just say. as long as after you guys say it, you feel better and the atmosphere no need to accumulate tension. as long as after scolding, no grudges are beared, i think that's the best. if not it seems like it's always me complaining only.

i am a person who doesn't even know how to step brake when the time comes. so i often do things that are very unnecessary like how i always blabber nonsense. even if none of you wanna forgive me, i will still do what i say to sheryl, which is to try to change. i don't know how much i can change, but i'll still try.

although sheryl does not accept it, but this is for anyone who accepts it, sorry.

/10:29 PM